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How to Destroy Your Self-Worth and Self-Esteem – Riding the Comparison Train

posted by : Kimberly Dillavou

Comparison Trap

Do you find yourself wishing you had someone else’s life.. a better job like so and so… a better house like so and so.. something someone has that is better than yours?  I know I have fallen prey to that type of comparison trap thinking.

There is an infinite number of categories upon which we can compare ourselves and an almost infinite number of people to compare ourselves to. Once we begin down that road, we never find an end.  It is like a never-ending train ride that doesn’t have a final destination.

The danger of comparing ourselves to others is that our comparisons are never fair.  We typically compare the worst we know of ourselves to the best we presume about others.

Comparison Self-esteem

We are all unique individuals with unique gifts and talents.  Each one of us has life experiences that are unique to only us.   Our lives can never be properly compared to anyone else.

When we ride the comparison train, we are defining our self-worth based on what we have (or lack) or what is currently happening (or not) in our life.

What happens when we no longer have those things? Or when our friend gets a great promotion? Are we all of a sudden worth less?  We need to remind ourselves that our self-worth is not based on our behaviors or what we have (or don’t have).

Riding the Comparison Train

Almost all of my life I was on the comparison train.  You know the one where you compare your looks, your achievements… pretty much everything about yourself to others. Unfortunately, I always felt like I came up short on the measuring stick.  Thankfully, I jumped off the train and have not purchased another ticket.

Comparing myself to others started in grade school.  I was the kid in 4th grade that “developed” early.  I was the only girl in the class that wore a bra and was inches taller than all the boys.  I was teased relentlessly and hated who I was.  “If I could be more like the other girls” I thought, maybe life would be better.  Little did I know… I had jumped onto the comparison train and held on for dear life.

Human Nature

It is human nature to compare ourselves to others.  We make comparisons because we have a drive to evaluate ourselves.  Though this type of evaluation can become problematic.  We tend to judge ourselves subjectively rather than objectively.

What we do with the comparison makes all the difference.  We can either allow it to compel us to become better or allow it to pull us down and sink deeper into depression/anxiety.

I chose to do both actually.  I would strive to be better… do better… but never measured up in my mind.  That would increase my anxiety that I “wasn’t enough” and deepen my depression.  The cycle was never-ending because I also compared other categories like job titles, income levels, house size, and worldly successes.

“I generally find that comparison is the fast track to unhappiness.”   — Jack Canfield

Comparison

Signs You Are Comparing Yourself to Others..

  • You don’t feel “good enough” (about yourself)

  • You need more material possessions

  • You are constantly looking for “something” to make you feel better

  • You fail to live in the present… living in the past

  • Anything seems better than you current situation or circumstance

  • You spend your time focusing on external things

  • You are judgmental of other people

  • You are lacking gratitude

  • You are discontent with life

If this describes you… know you are not alone.  I would have answered yes to each one of these statements several years ago.

The good news is that you do not have to stay on the train.  You can get off at any time you wish.  I am giving you permission to jump off the train.  It isn’t as scary as you think it is.

“Try not to get lost in comparing yourself to others. Discover your gifts and let them shine!”    — Jennie Finch

The Hidden Dangers of Comparison

Comparisons disconnect us from others

Comparing ourselves with others separates us from being connected to others… which is something we all need.  If we decide that we are “less than” the other person then we will feel depleted and depressed.

This will lead us to withdraw, hide, and get away from others so they won’t see us as unlovable or incapable as we see ourselves. We in turn feel alone because we protect ourselves through isolation.

The opposite is also true.  If we compare ourselves and conclude that we are better than the other person, we may feel superior, contemptuous, and reject others.  We avoid contact with that person/persons because we do not want a connection to someone who is beneath us.  We in turn feel alone because we lack connection to others in our superiority.

Your mental health suffers

Constantly comparing yourself to others can fill your thoughts and cloud-out rational thinking. This can eventually wear you down mentally.

Here are some ways your mental health can be greatly affected from comparison:

  • Anxiety – worrying that you will never be as good as others
  • Feelings of self-hate, frustration that you’re life or self aren’t perfect like others appear to be
  • Depression
  • Brain fog/fatigue – from constantly trying to keep up
  • Obsessive or disordered thinking around certain aspects of life – eating, appearance, etc
  • Loss of self-worth – feeling worthless or less than
  • Breakdown of relationships – friends/family/spouse

Financial problems

“Keeping up with the Joneses”, I think we are all familiar with that saying.   (If not, here is a definition of it… Keep up with the Joneses.)  It can be easy to run into financial trouble if you’re playing the comparison game.  We seem to think what others have is what we need to be fulfilled and happy.  Even though we do not need those items…nor can we afford those items, we look for ways to get those items.

Here are some ways your finances can be greatly affected from comparison:

  • Buying new things often even though you don’t need to
  • Buying ‘big ticket’ items (expensive electronics, gadgets, cars) to impress
  • Debt – from purchasing often to ‘keep up’, impress and make sure that what you have is just as good, if not better than someone else’s
  • Ending up with multiple loans or credit cards

Your physical health suffers

Unfortunately, our society looks at the outward appearance.   This is why it’s easy for us to focus on that.  Especially when there’s a plethora of the ‘ideal’ people to compare ourselves to. We might try to alter our bodies and appearance because we’re comparing ourselves with another.

Here are some ways your physical health can be greatly affected from comparison:

  • Disordered eating and thinking
  • Eating disorders – anorexia, bulimia, orthorexia, etc.
  • Excessive exercising – to achieve the ‘ideal’ body you see everywhere
  • Plastic surgery/ cosmetic procedures that are unnecessary

“Comparison is a liar who says our best won’t ever be good enough.  Measuring your success through comparison is a recipe for unhappiness.”   -Alli Worthington

Ready, Set, Jump

I don’t know about you.. but I think it is time to jump off the comparison train.  You, and only you, can make the choice to stay in the comparison mindset or accept your present circumstances… and determine if your circumstances are good enough.
You are enough my precious friend!  Therefore, choose to see your true value and worth through the eyes of Jesus.  He created you the way you are on purpose… for a purpose.  You are gifted with unique characteristics that no one else possesses.  Shine bright my friend because no one can hold a candle to you!  Visit my Let Faith Arise page to know more about a personal relationship with Jesus.
Gracefully yours,
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About The Author

Kimberly Dillavou

I am a cherished daughter of my father in Heaven
I am wife to Jess and mom to 3 precious kids.
I am the founder of Gracefully Living Life Loved.

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