Healing from the Past – Letting Go of Your Past Mistakes
Mistakes… Life Lessons
Mistakes in life have a way of teaching you things… good and bad. If you are anything like me, you want to forget the mistakes that have caused great pain in you and others. Unfortunately, most people never deal with the mistakes of the past.
When we fail to deal with the mistakes of the past we get hung up on our personal failures. Those mistakes can threaten to keep us stuck in the past and define who we are going forward.
In order to learn from our mistakes, we must be willing to admit that we made a mistake. When we choose to stop blaming others for situations and circumstances we move toward the possibility of learning and growing from our mistakes.
You cannot change the past, but you can choose how your past affects your present and future.
Choices Shape Us
We, along with our Father in Heaven, are the author of our destiny. It is the choices that we make every day that shape our lives. Even the smallest decisions can shape our lives forever.
There are some choices in life we regret. It is what we do with those regrets and mistakes is what makes or breaks us.
“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” ― Dr. Seuss
We all make choices that are not good for us. When you make a bad choice it doesn’t mean you are a bad person… you just made a bad choice. Fortunately, those bad choices create life lessons that we can use to become a better version of ourselves.
Who You Are vs. What You Do
You need to separate the “who” from the “do” if you are ever going to create positive change in your life. If you can learn the difference between the two, then your past mistakes will not determine your future or your identity.
You will realize that you can make better choices next time and it doesn’t define who you are. You hold the pen that is writing the story of your life… write it well. Change you choices and change your destiny.
Mistakes… Applying Lessons Learned
Over the years I have had an abundance of experiences that have taught me valuable life lessons. Some of them were not by choice but rather forced upon me. Regardless, I have chosen to use those lessons as a growing opportunity.
It was through choosing to walk down the path of dealing with painful memories and mistakes that I found true peace and contentment. I no longer denied those feelings and memories. Thankfully, I didn’t have to walk down that path alone.
My inner healing from past mistakes and regrets would not have taken place without my loving Heavenly Father holding my hand through the process. It was His strength that encouraged me to face the truth of my mistakes and move on.
I have discovered that letting go of the past doesn’t mean that what happened to me wasn’t painful and unfair. It means that I am no longer bound to it. It has no power over me.
Deal with Your Mistakes
We can move on from our past mistakes. Even though it may not be easy, there are practical ways to let go and move on. I know from personal experience that you can use the painful mistakes of your past for good.
It was through the power of the cross of Jesus that I was able to face what was and move on. I struggled for years with the thought that I was a failure. I focused on my mistakes of the past and deemed myself worthless and powerless.
Everything in my life suffered because I focused on my mistakes. My self-esteem and self-confidence was greatly diminished. I feared taking risks and challenges because I thought I would just mess things up in the end.
How about you? Are you getting hung up on our personal failures?
Are mistakes threatening to keep you stuck in the past? Defining who we are going forward?
Emotions such as anger, worry, fear, and frustration can dominate your life when you dwell on the mistakes of the past. This is certainly not a good way to live.
Failures Can Become Great Victories
Dealing with past mistakes can be very productive and positive in your life. Who knows, maybe one of your biggest mistakes could turn out to be a great victory.
For me, my past mistakes have been used for good. Because of my poor choices in the past, I have been able to help countless people overcome their difficult situations and find hope.
Did you know that Thomas Edison has 1,000 failed attempts before he successfully invented the light bulb? Just think what would of happen if he focused on his mistakes and failures…
6 Steps to Deal With Past Mistakes
I have had to deal with a lot of mistakes and failures of the past. I am going to share with you the steps that I took to find deliverance from the chains that held me back from becoming all that I was created to be.
1. Acknowledge the painful memories associated with the mistake.
Memories are very powerful. They can lift you up or tear you down. In order for you to experience freedom from past mistakes you will need to face the painful memories they created.
This first step seemed almost impossible for me. I had suppressed those feelings for so many years. I had avoided the pain of my mistakes at all costs.
One day during my quiet time of Bible reading, God showed me that my soul was like a beautiful flower garden that was being choked by vine-like weeds. He needed to be the gardener and remove those weeds so that the beauty of my soul could shine. Those weeds were a collection of painful memories.
I was able to face the memories with the help of my Savior, Jesus. He reminded me that He will work all things for the good and that I can do all things through Christ. Even though I didn’t make good choices in the past, it still would be used for good. (Romans 8:28) (Philippians 4:13)
2. Release the painful memory and allow yourself to express those emotions.
Because I had suppressed the painful memories from my past mistakes for many years, I was hesitant to allow myself to release the memories. I knew that the only way to get past the pain was to go through the pain. So I bravely walked down that road and allowed myself to feel again.
My Jesus held my hand throughout the entire process. It was difficult at times to allow myself to feel the guilt and shame for making poor choices. I focused on the healing instead of the painful memory.
Amazingly, I felt such relief and peace in my spirit after I released the painful memory that was attached to the poor choice I had made. My soul felt like it was coming back to life again.
3. Apologize and ask forgiveness if you need to.
Pride has a way of blocking the path toward healing. It is difficult to ask for forgiveness, especially when the other person should apologize to you for the wrongs they did. But we must take responsibility for our actions, regardless if they apologize or not.
There is power in the act of apologizing. It has the power to repair and restore broken relationships, broken hearts can heal, and it can soothe soul wounds.
When we apologize we are able to disarm others anger and prevent further misunderstandings. Even though we cannot undo the past, an apology can reverse the negative effects from our mistake. It also helps us move past our anger, prevents us from getting stuck on our mistake, and opens the door for forgiveness.
4. Accept the fact that there is nothing you can do to change the past.
This step took a little time for me to come to terms with. I had this idea in my head that in order to be a good person, you had to live a perfect life. My life was far from perfect. I finally came to a place where I believed everything happens for a reason and that better things will follow.
I have discovered when you come to the place of acceptance of what was, you are able to move on from the past. It no longer has any power over you. Being able to accept things as they are will help you maintain inner peace and happiness.
Remember that you did the best you knew how at that moment. Now you have the choice to accept what’s happened, see the positive, and choose a peaceful state of mind; or fight against it and be miserable. The choice is yours and yours alone.
5. Forgive yourself for making the mistake.
This was the step that took the longest for me to process. I was able to forgive others who had hurt me but not myself. I struggled with forgiving myself because I truly didn’t feel like I deserved it.
During my quiet time with my sweet Savior one day, I realized by not forgiving myself was saying to Jesus what he did on the cross wasn’t good enough. It was that thought which caused me to question why I shouldn’t forgive myself.
As I read scriptures in the Bible and prayed, I was able to come to the place of forgiving myself for the mistakes I made and for not living a perfect life. When I chose to forgive myself I felt such an overwhelming sense of love and forgiveness. It was as if 1,000 pounds were lifted off my shoulders.
6. Seek out help to deal with ways you have “numbed” the pain in unhealthy ways.
If you are anything like me, then you probably looked for something to numb the pain on the inside of you. My choice was alcohol. Unfortunately, with alcohol, your body adjusts to the effect it has on you. So in order to maintain that numb feeling you need to drink more and more every time.
I decided to stop using alcohol as my escape mechanism when I almost had a head-on car crash while intoxicated. It was at the last second that I realized I was in the wrong lane and swerved out of the way. The thought that I could of just killed someone or myself was enough for me to stop drinking alcohol cold turkey.
Understand the Why
When we focus on the regrets of our past mistakes, it can leave you feeling defeated and hopeless. You can get stuck in that place and look for something or someone to numb the invisible pain inside.
It is important to understand the “why” you numb the inner pain. For me it was shame and guilt. I had focused on my mistakes for so many years that I lost sight of what was good in my life. I allowed regret to dictate my life.
Is shame and guilt of past mistakes keeping you a prisoner of negative thoughts and emotions?
Take the Next Step
Ask someone you trust, such as your best friend, your sibling, your parent, or trusted co-worker to be an accountability person for you. If you are not able to find supportive people, then try joining a support group that focuses on the type of problems you are suffering from.
There are countless support groups that focus on a wide range of issues, such as substance use problems, domestic violence, grieving the death of a loved one, or anxiety and depression.
Try to find a Celebrate Recovery program near you. That group focuses on healing from past hurts, habits, and hang-ups. It can help you understand the “why” you numb your invisible pain.
Closing Thoughts
“We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.” – Steve Maraboli
Mistakes in life are inevitable. What we do with those mistakes makes all the difference. We cannot change the past but we can use the lessons learned from the mistakes to positively impact the future.
Focusing on your mistakes keeps you a prisoner in your own mind. There is no perfect person. I encourage you to allow yourself to accept your imperfections and your lapse of better judgement at times.
You Do Not Need To Do This Alone
If you are like me and have a difficult time dealing with past mistakes, know that you do not need to overcome this on your own. My precious Jesus loves you just as much as He loves me. He will take you by the hand and walk with you toward the path of healing the invisible inner pain.
It was through my relationship with my best friend, Jesus, that I found the strength and courage to overcome the painful memories of past mistakes. If you want to know more about a personal relationship with God please visit my Let Faith Arise page.
My hope is that you discovered that you can live life free of the regret and shame of past mistakes. Please feel free to leave a comment if this post spoke to you or contact me through email.
Please share this so that others may find hope and healing from the invisible pain of past mistakes.
Gracefully yours,
A book that you may find very helpful in understanding how worthy and precious you are is called Captivating. This is the book that really helped me break free from the negative thought patterns.
I have given hundreds of them away to women. That is how strongly I believe in this book. Click on the book if you want to preview it or purchase it.
*This is an affiliated link. If you purchase the book I will get a small commission at no extra cost to you. It is what helps keep this blog going. Thanks in advance!
About The Author
Kimberly Dillavou
I am a cherished daughter of my father in Heaven
I am wife to Jess and mom to 3 precious kids.
I am the founder of Gracefully Living Life Loved.
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“A heartbreak isn’t always as loud as a bomb exploding. Sometimes, it could be as quiet as a feather falling and nobody hears it except you.” Anyone who knows Terri knows how much heartbreak she has faced in her life. She has spoken so openly to all of us sharing her vulnerability, as she knows being alone with your pain isn’t a nice place to be. In turn she has helped so many…now it’s our turn to help her. Terri and I have known each other for many years, she is best friends with one of my cousins, but we became much closer when in March 2017, I had just lost my first precious angel baby and posted about my grief and pain; Terri reached out to say she had also just miscarried. Through our shared grief we formed a strong bond and from that a real friendship grew. We would talk daily and we helped guide each other towards the light on some of the darkest days of our lives. Terri and I both went on to miscarry two more babies each. All of our miscarriages were around a similar time to each other, and we both still say that we are so thankful we had each other to get through our heartbreak. In May 2019 I finally welcomed my beautiful daughter Harriet-Terri into the world. My precious baby has healed my broken heart, I have never known a love like it, she brings light into every single day, and that’s what I want for Terri. Terri has been under fertility hospitals since 2013, she firstly had 6 months of a fertility drug to help produce more eggs, sadly this didn’t work. She was then accepted for IVF, but heartbreakingly her beautiful baby sister passed away. For obvious reasons having a baby was the last thing on Terri’s mind, she needed to grieve. In 2016 Terri and Wayne got married and felt ready to continue on their IVF journey. The first round produced 4 embryos, sadly one didn’t take and three resulted in miscarriages. After Terri’s third miscarriage the hospital ran more tests and discovered she had a balanced translocation; an abnormality between two chromosomes which means if Terri releases an egg containing the abnormal chromosomes her body miscarries. Following on from this, the next step was to have pre-implantation genetic diagnosis (PGD IVF), this is where they collect and check eggs to check for any abnormalities. Unfortunately, the Liverpool Women’s hospital don’t specialise in this treatment and so Terri and Wayne were then transferred to Guys and St. Thomas hospital in London. Terri has had two more rounds of PGD IVF which have both heartbreakingly failed to produce any “good eggs”. Since the discovery of the BT, Terri has also been told she has low Anti-Mullerian Hormone or AMH and low follicle count which means her egg reserve is low and the eggs in which she does produce are of poor quality. Initially Terri was told she had a 1in8 chance of getting a good egg, but because of the three things stacked against her, the odds are now very low. Terri and Wayne have been trying now for 7 years and it has really created a sadness that they don’t deserve, despite this Terri never lets go of the hope and belief that she will be a mum! They have both now come to the conclusion that donor eggs are their best option of ever having a baby considering everything that is against them, and having exhausted all possible avenues for using Terri’s own eggs. The process to have a donor egg is so expensive and this is why I am trying to raise what they need which is ?20,000. It took a lot of persuasion to eventually get Terri to agree to me doing this for them. They didn’t want to feel like they were asking for handouts and were determined to save the money they need themselves however, this would take them years to save that kind of money. They have been through so much and experienced more heartache than most go through in their entire lives, let alone a few years as they have! Terri is one of the nicest, kindest and most authentic souls you’ll ever meet. She would do anything for anyone and is so supportive to others even when she is going through her own struggles, I have experienced this love for others first hand. So, this is my payback to Terri for being there for me and helping me through my darkest days. She doesn’t believe that we’ll raise the ?20,000 but I want to prove her wrong. I really want Terri to realise how loved she is by so many and how many people want this baby for her. I know not everyone who loves this gorgeous couple will be in a position to donate, if not thank you for being here, please share and keep them in your thoughts If I can help to raise this money for them and they get their longed for baby then their lives would be complete with their baby. Thank you for reading our fund page and thanks in advance from the bottom of my heart for each and every donation we receive. Imagine helping to create a life by bringing a baby into the world and making two very special people parents with your donation. There is no better gift! Thank you ?
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